Be intentional. Be relational. Be selfless.
In all of your relationships the effort you put into them, and your attitude, have a direct affect on you and those around you. My heart is to encourage through sharing my joys and challenges – the good, the bad and the ugly. Words served up with a bit of sweet, a dash of spicy and a healthy serving of random reality.

About Tracey

On a good day you’ll find me outdoors hiking and squeezing in some writing. I love my man and my children, [read more]

You are here: Home / Archives for Mom Traps (all 7 of them!)

Busy Busy May

May
8

I am blessed.

I am busy, but I am blessed and I share all about that as a guest post contributor over at Family Matters today!

When my heart to speak into the lives of moms to encourage them allows me to share life regularly through the ministry of others I am in awe of how big God is! And truly amazed at how He opens doors that leave me humbled and grateful.

Today I am sharing over at Family Matters and I hope you join me there!

Family Matters is all about helping us be better parents! If you have never read a book by Tim Kimmel, the President of Family Matters – you really need to! He is the author of Grace Based Parenting and Raising Kids for True Greatness (one of my ALL TIME favorite books) and many others…his latest release is Connecting Church & Home.

I hope you will spend some time reading some of his and his wife Darcy’s posts – they have amazing wisdom – and they are big time fun! (You know I like big time fun!)

 

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MOB’s, Listen Up!

Feb
6

That little boy of mine, the one that used to beat on the front the door with his tiny little palm and chant, “outside, outside, outside” – yeah that one, he is over six feet tall now.

The little dimples that have always winked at me when he smiles, still do. Somehow because he is headed towards manhood, they are even more adorable now than they used to be.  Perched up there above the scraggly beard.

One day last week, with his green eyes twinkling he asked, “Mom, how about we go out to dinner and a movie this weekend?  Just you and me!”

My mom heart swelled.

Then I asked, “Are you messin with me?” You see, over the years we have done many date nights, but they were pretty much always initiated by me.

“No…I’m serious, I really want to!”

Yet another sign the little boy is becoming a thoughtful young man.

On Saturday night as we walked out to the car, he opened my car door – a slight grin on his face, as I delighted in his gentlemanly gesture he rolled his eyes just a tinge and grinned – his dimples in all their glory.

The “treat her like a lady” remembrances (so well learned through the years) were practiced throughout the night.  Dinner conversation was easy, sweet and silly, as was the movie. The easy going flow of the night was delightful.

That rough and tumble, dirty, all things outdoors, big burly and manly boy of mine brings me such joy—and hope for his future.

As I sit here remembering my special date I am burdened anew with the desire to help younger mothers embrace the truth that it really does help navigate the teen years when you have made it your practice to be intentional, be relational and be selfless with your children.

I also am reflecting on the tears shared just yesterday with a precious friend who lost her son a few years ago – she mentioned to me she so wished moms would realize that the little stuff that can consume our every day doesn’t matter, our kids matter.

Sweet moms, set aside the “to do” list and embrace the “to be” MOMents – make the time to be the mom.

And you just might find yourself with an amazing dinner date that is sportin a scraggly beard… and trust me, that day will arrive much sooner than you might imagine!

Filed Under: Children, Mom Traps (all 7 of them!), Teen Children Tagged With: , , , , 1 Comment

Driving At Age Ten! What?

Oct
8

I am absolutely at a loss for words {well, not really-since I am writing about it} that parents would allow their ten year old to drive!

Has the world gone mad?

I still cannot quite figure out how it happened. I mean heck, they can barely see over the steering wheel. I think some of them have got to be using booster seats while driving. They look so grown up sitting behind that wheel. It is so cute!

Their parents are so proud too, taking pictures and bragging to others about the cars they are purchasing for their kids so they can fit in and be just like sixteen year olds.

I can’t for the life of me figure out how so many parents can afford the cars or why they would want their ten year olds to have one. Seems to me they have a lot more growing up to do before they should be trusted behind the wheel of a car.

Which actually got me to thinking…are their kids really even safe with a car of their own? Isn’t it kind of dangerous to put a 2,500 pound weapon in the hands of a ten year old?

Join me over at FamilyMatters Blog to to read the rest of the words that I obviously was not at a loss for – I got plenty to say on the subject!
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Got Courage & A Junk Drawer?

Sep
10

Today you can find my thoughts on being a Courageous Woman while staring submission right in the face over at MomLife Today.

Here at Be The Mom…I want to share with you a sweet MOMent I had this morning…I was looking for something in my bedside table and pushed to the back of the drawer I found a sweet little pile of homemade love.

My kids are now 19 and 16…building into them while they were young did matter moms, we have a great relationship now. More importantly they have great relationships with the Lord and are at least trying to live a life that will glorify Him.

It matter’s…Be The Mom!

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Doing Laundry For Fun!

Aug
27

In Be The Mom I talk about doing chores together as a family and trying to make even chores an opportunity to bond and build relational equity with your children.  I suggest that it is wise to make doing things around the house more about the relationship and character building and less about perfect chore completion.  With repetition and effort there is continuous improvement in children.

I know sometimes it is tough moms cause we could get it done so much faster and so much easier if we just did it ourselves – but that doing things together does build relationship.

Yesterday morning my daughter and I made breakfast together and had lots of fun doing it.  The guys set up the table and dishes out on the back deck and the kitchen was a bustle of activity and conversation.

Now, if you are thinking – well yeah, they are older so of course you are doing stuff together. I just want you to know it’s a pattern that started long ago and I am learning more and more that God had a purpose in that pattern.

So there we were out having breakfast on the back deck, my husband, nineteen year old daughter, sixteen year old son and two of my daughters friends. The discussion was lively and fun and at some point we started discussing the fact that we had just bought a new washer/dryer because our other set bit the dust.

Suddenly my daughters face lit up and she started talking about how much she loved the dryer we had when she was a little girl. She said the best dryers were the ones that had doors in the front that opened down. She proceeded to share, quite animatedly, how much she remembered loving doing laundry with me. She recounted how I used to get the laundry out of the washer and drop it onto the opened door of the dryer and she would get to push it in. She vividly remembered those early MOMents and watching her joyfully recount and re-enact doing laundry with me actually made me get a bit misty.

It was as if God was reminding me afresh and wanting me to encourage YOU that what I wrote in Be The Mom really does have long lasting effects.

What my daughter was proving to me in her joyful recounting of doing laundry…was that it mattered – the relationship building, the confidence building and yes, even the chores taking way too long to get done…mattered.

Truly God blessed me yesterday morning – and I hope you will receive that blessing as a reminder to you that … every MOMent counts!

What chores could you do a little differently, that would pull your children into doing them alongside you – with giggles and grins?!

Filed Under: Be The Mom, Children, Hearth & Home, Mom Traps (all 7 of them!) Tagged With: , , , 2 Comments

Mom Gut Check

Aug
24

“In a minute” she shot out in frustration never taking her eyes off of the iphone as she texted rapid fire.

In front of her stood a little girl, I watched the little face contort as she hesitated and thoughtfully pleaded at her mother, with her heart…she then gave a little shake of her head and went back to her skipping in place, then stooped down to pick up a stick.

My walking in the park propelled me forward and the scene playing out before my eyes was now behind me…literally, but not figuratively.

My thoughts were not of the dismissive mom, for I do not know her story – this could have been a one time offense while she was seeing to the needs of a friend, or handling a crisis in need of her immediate attention.

My thoughts were of me, of the times behind me literally, where in pursuit of my own daily list of “to do’s” I barked out to my kids, “In a minute.” I hear the whisper of a recording replaying in my mind, remembrances of my son saying, “You always say that.”

Gut check.

The “me and my agenda” Busy Mom trap is so cunning in it’s lures. Yes, there are lots of important things to be done. But those things will always be there. Your children will not. More importantly your opportunities to build relationship with your children will not remain, “In a minute” conditioned children grow into teens who turn their hearts away.

Far too many teens have strained, or minimal relationships with their parents because there has been no time invested building relationship. The lack of intentional time spent with your children seems no big deal when it’s happening, but they add up one “in a minute” at a time and equal a strained relationship.

Gut check…do you need to make time for your children and leave the tasks waiting?

Start tonight.

 

 

 

Filed Under: Be The Mom, Children, Mom Traps (all 7 of them!) Tagged With: , , , 7 Comments

From Ugly To Holy

Aug
2

I was fuming.

Smoke emitting from my ears.

Teeth clinched. Eyes narrowed.

I have confessed that I can be “ugly” – well, ugly was rearing its…ugly head. (There’s no better way to say that.)

Allow me to assure you that if I were a two year old I would have stomped through the family room, thrown myself on the floor and had myself a little on the spot hissy fit.

And no, I am not talking about something that occurred “recently” I am talking about something that occurred…yesterday.

Aaargghh.

Then I heard my own words float through my head, Be The Mom, Chapter Three – Me Mom Trap, something about when the word “I” is muttered a lot I am trapped, wanting my own way, with a very bad attitude and need to snap out it.

Nice advice.

However, I did not want to adjust my ugly attitude.

I wanted to wallow in my ugly attitude.

Heavy sigh.

I battled for a bit, many minutes…too many minutes.

I heard the familiar whisper, the ugly was being challenged by the Holy. I quietly started reciting various Bible verses, then I had a little discussion with God, then I pulled out my Bible and read a bit. Then I prayed. Then I told my selfish little self to simmer down and recognize that I do not always get my way.

Dang…life is hard.

Yes, the rest of my day sure was a lot better…when I let go of ugly me and clung to the Holy One.

Life is a series of small choices, those choices mold us and because we are moms they mold our children.

Filed Under: Be The Mom, Mom Traps (all 7 of them!) Tagged With: , , , , 3 Comments

School’s Out For The Summer

May
23

I am always so excited this time of year because my kids will be home more during the summer and my days, and nights, will be a bit more carefree and casual.

Yes, of course there is still lots that must get done…but daggum it I decided several years ago that when I was a kid I loved summer cause the pressure was off! So I made sort of a personal declaration that just because I was a grown up did not mean I couldn’t have a summer “break” too!

Everything is just a bit more laid back and relaxed around here in the summer. The house isn’t quite as tidy, the meals are a bit more simple, the evenings a bit more random with fun and a quick yes to most ideas that get tossed up as a possibility.

The kids can have sleep overs two (and even three) nights in a row, sleep outside, create mud pits, eat gross jelly beans, make unusual meals, get loud playing games with their friends, create strange videos, stay up half the night…you know all the stuff that used to make summer fun for you.

The way I see it, I can let them have no holds bar amazing fun at our home with their friends, or I can set up lots of rules and push them right out the door. Not knowing where they may end up, or at a home where I don’t know what the definition of fun could be…or where parents are not around and the fun is unsupervised.

We are blessed to have several friends who agree with our approach and the teens have a few houses to rotate through for fun and frolic. A couple  weeks ago they were here for our Kentucky Derby Party, the week after they were at the Glub’s house for a Cereal Party!

What I have found is having light hearted kids around our home all summer havin fun, helps keep hubby and me light hearted and havin fun!

Maybe we get a bit less sleep and our grocery bill goes up – but there will be plenty of time for sleep and small grocery bills when our kids are off living their own lives.

So tell me, what extra mischief to your kids get you into during the summer? Share with me some new ideas for fun with teens!

 

 

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Social Media Deaths Increasing

May
9

An alarming trend of loss and death continues to grow, leading to speculation that social media and media in general have become the fastest growing killers in America.

The public reporting of mounting deaths has been kept under wraps for several years, but no longer can our society look the other way.  We must all recognize the truth that there is a dark side of social media and media or the death toll will continue to rise.

Several first hand accounts of these deaths are now being widely reported and Americans are being asked to consider their culpability and involvement in an effort to put an end to the widespread death and destruction.

Reported Deaths:

“Our home used to be filled with conversation and laughter as we connected with each other, now we connect with our iphones, itunes and computers.”  Death of family unity.

“After school snacks used to be a time of hearing about my children’s day, it is now my opportunity to post on my blog, Facebook and Twitter, while they text their peers.”  Death of child/parent bonding.

“I used to play with my daughter at the park, now she plays alone while I chat on my phone.” Death of mother/daughter relationship.

“Gathering in the kitchen to share in meal preparation used to be a great way to bond with my husband and son. Now my husband uses that time to send out those last few e-mails while my son plays X-Box and I add a few more Pins.” Death of family togetherness routines.

“We used to hang out together in the evenings.  We now retreat to separate rooms and personal media choices.” Death of the “family” room.

“I used to enjoy my cup of coffee and quiet time with God. Now I check Facebook first thing…and linger longer each day.” Death of relationship with God.

What do you think? Are your relationships suffering due to media choices? Or have you found a way to step away? Please share!

 

I wrote this post a few weeks ago and feared the blogging world was not ready to accept it and it has been tucked away…waiting for the right time to share.

This morning a friend Mona sent me this link to a post a young mom, Rachel at Hand Free Mama, shared - and I was so touched by her post and lifted up a prayer that her words would be heeded by those that read her explosive thoughts. I hope moms will push their phones aside, rather than their children.

About an hour later, while I was enjoying my walk and prayer time, God pulled up to the front of my mind the truth that families all over America are dying.

He also assured me that now was the time to report on that very truth…

 

Filed Under: Be The Mom, Mom Traps (all 7 of them!) Tagged With: , , 6 Comments

Green Mom? Not good!

Apr
27

Being a mom is HARD.

Forget “Calgon take me away” sometimes during the course of a typical week any mom (who’s honest) wants to stand up and scream, upon which blood vessels will strain, her body will begin to contort, her skin will turn green and a Hulk-like transformation occurs.  Well, maybe not on the outside, but sometimes we do get frustrated and go all Hulk on the inside.

Um-hum.

As I recall watching the Hulk lose it, transform and go green, I can imagine what that would be like – safely knowing we could never transform into an ugly monster as he does. Or…can we?

Some of us are yell-ers, some of us are glare-ers, some of us are stomp-ers, some of us are guilt inducers, some of us are cry-ers, some of us are do more-ers, some of us are stuff-ers, some of us are escape-ers – but the cold hard truth is all of us are capable of transforming into something ugly and overbearing.

Ouch!

What we transform into teaches our children how to react to life’s bumps, frustrations and the constant reality that things don’t always go our way.

Just so you know, this post is being written because I had a recent bout with “green” and I am processing out loud. I know this is a mom struggle  because I have heard from countless moms that “going green” is a struggle for them as well.

How do we fight it? What do we do when we feel our blood start to boil, when we detect our potential for “going green” is at a fever pitch?

For me, I put aside all the “-er’s” described above and I become a pray-er. God knows my problematic attitude and if I feel the green monster threatening to overtake me, I abate it through prayer and an honest look at my need to control. I choose (yes, it is a choice) to remain a nice healthy skin tone. If necessary I remove myself from the area for a bit, read a scripture note card, pray some more and gather myself before I do or say something that could have lasting effects on my children.

Green trickles down you know- your bad habits become their bad habits. (I hate it when that happens – aarrgghh!)

Children experience life as little sponges, soaking up our every word and deed. Join me over at Family Matters Blog today where I share a recent blessed green-free MOMent I witnessed between mother and child.

 

 

 

Filed Under: Children, Mom Traps (all 7 of them!) Tagged With: , , 2 Comments